But most importantly, he was always there for me. If I ever went to him with a problem, he’d fix it. I wish I realized this then. If I had just told him how I felt, not only would he have told me how beautiful I was, but when he realized how sick I was he would have gotten me help. So before writing anyone out of your life permanently, remember people can’t give what they don’t have. Think why did they do or not do whatever it was that upset you so much. Were they aware they were hurting you? Was it taught or not taught to them? Be very careful. Very good people make very big mistakes.
My mother, I swear on my life, I have never known a mother who loved her children more. She would give her life for her kids. The only thing she ever wanted to be was a mother, nothing else, just a wife and mother. Like I said, my parents were young, but as we all know, no matter how old you are when you have your children, no baby comes with an instruction book. You never really know if what you are doing will help or hurt your child. It’s not taught in school, and I will never understand why. Parenting is the most important job in the world and only some schools offer “child care” or “family living” as electives. In my mind these should be mandatory, and in every school! They are just as important as math or reading—they are skills that will improve the quality of life.
I am not saying schools should replace any other classes with classes that teach parenting, or single living. I remember, my junior year I had one elective and one free period where my friends and I sat in the cafeteria and did nothing but talk and go smoke in the bathroom. Kids have lunch time and after school to spend time with their friends. We are trying to prepare them for life as an adult. I have never worked at a job where I worked a seven-hour day, had a one-hour lunch, and a forty-minute free period to sit and do nothing. Kids hate being bored; if we are trying to prevent drop outs, lose the free period and add some classes that will teach them how to live. Make mandatory classes that will show them the cost of living. Teach them if they earn three hundred dollars a week, and have a seven hundred dollar rent each month, that they will have no money for fun or clothes. Show them how much food and water and gas and electric are. That may encourage college or trade school. Kids need to have name brand clothes and shoes, and once they see that they are only going to be able to afford a thrift store wardrobe, they might think twice about dropping out.
Use sex education classes to teach the things they’ll need to know after the baby is here—it takes only five minutes to explain how a baby is made. Teach them how much diapers and formula, pediatricians, and medicine cost. Finally, we have to teach these future moms and dads how important it is to love this baby, and how to send that message of love to the baby. Remember, babies don’t understand the language, the word “love” doesn’t mean anything to them. You need to show them. Tell them that the way they look at their child or the tone of voice they use when speaking to the child is more important than what they actually say.
The one thing that is almost taboo to even say, is something I believe needs to be taught. We must teach, convince kids that having a child is not mandatory. Just because your sister and your best friend and your sister-in-law have babies doesn’t mean you have to have one. You can still stay at home and be a wife and take care of the house if finances allow it. I only say that because I have met women who got pregnant because they didn’t want to work anymore. They ended up miserable, and divorced. You will still get into heaven, or whatever the afterlife is according to your higher power. Whatever your belief system may be, if you’re a kind person, your higher power, whether it’s God, the Universe, whoever, whatever it is will smile down on you whether you decide to become a parent or not. Life is a gift we have been blessed with; we just need to do our best to enjoy it and try to leave the planet better than it was when we arrived. If a person chooses not to have children, they cannot let religion, family, guilt or society change their mind; both the child and the parents will suffer.
I think every couple, no matter what age, should get a puppy before they decide to have a baby. Then, after a year of loving their puppy and being patient with it, having potty training accidents on your bed or your couch, realizing they didn’t know better than to chew your new shoes; after a year of getting up early to walk them and feed them, and a year of rushing home from work in time to let them out and feed them; after a year of trying to get family or friends to move into your house to watch your puppy if you want to go out overnight, or away for a weekend; after you add up the cost of one year of pet food, vet appointments, leashes and toys; after all that, multiply the stress, the work and the cost by at least a hundred, then decide when to have your baby.
Author Samantha Barrett says that Memoirs of a Sex Addict was initially written to help heal herself. It is her sincere hope that it will also benefit others who have suffered as she has with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, a disorder which led directly to sex addiction and many of the reckless adventures recorded in this book. For her, BDD was a very rough ride, so some of the language and emotions in these pages are also rough. It had to be that way, she says, in order to tell the true story. The betrayals were many, including of her husbands, and there was never a shortage of men willing to take advantage of her. Even a counselor in an inpatient addiction hospital found her to be easy prey. Of course, the greatest betrayal was of herself. Some of what she did will come across as wild, reckless, even self-indulgent, but the common theme with alcohol and drug addicts is that she couldn’t stop herself.
Dr. Irvin Milowe, MD, and professor of psychiatry at the University of Miami, calls Memoirs of a Sex Addict “a very thoughtful trip into an addiction, that also shows the route out.” And while Ms. Barrett is indeed eager to help others avoid her plight, she doesn’t hide the details of her excursions.
For Samantha Barrett the journey into addiction began during her childhood, with being bullied in the home in what might seem a benign way. “The media,” she says, “has been telling us about bullies at school and on the internet, but we rarely hear of bullies living under the same roof. We assume that parents will prevent anything hurtful to their children. But what if they are not aware? What may be “harmless teasing” for one child, could be devastating to another.
A child may be hiding the pain. I was told that I was ugly, that no man would ever marry me. This led to a disease called Body Dysmorphic Disorder or BDD, a disease that distorted the way I saw myself and led me to obsess over flaws that may not have even be present. We hear tragic stories of drug and alcohol addiction. My addiction was different. Sex was my “drug of choice.” Only sex could take away my pain of feeling “ugly.” As soon as a man was on top of me or giving me attention, I felt beautiful. Often, alcohol went along with this behavior, but sex was the one I had no control over. Hopefully, the stories in this book will encourage parents, teachers and caregivers to be more aware of what is being told to or heard by their children.”
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Genre – Biographies & Memoirs / Self-Help
Rating – R
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